


Kinky Knitting Project

by Enchanted_Jae



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bickering, H/D Fan Fair 2019, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Innuendo, Knitter Draco Malfoy, Knitting, M/M, Puns & Word Play, Secondary Theme: Pet Fair, Shop Owner Draco Malfoy, Sphynx, Unemployed Harry Potter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2020-11-27 06:56:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20944199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enchanted_Jae/pseuds/Enchanted_Jae
Summary: Draco can't believe it when Harry Potter Himself walks into Purl of Wisdom.





	Kinky Knitting Project

**Author's Note:**

> For Prompt [# 57](https://docs.google.com/document/d/16er_sVwwFtbVQxtiFqHRWhw09kwNYhywsB-R48qtVPU/edit#).
> 
> Thanks and gratitude to jake67jake for the super-speedy beta.

When the bell over the door tinkled, Draco glanced up from behind the counter of his fabric arts shop, Purl of Wisdom, to see who had entered. He was surprised and pleased to see Harry Potter Himself saunter up to the counter.

"I would like to knit a sweater for my Sphynx cat."

Although Draco had clearly heard what Potter said, he couldn't resist baiting his Hogwarts rival. "A sweater for your sphincter?" he drawled. "How...fascinating."

Potter's jaw dropped, and a dull flush suffused his face. His demeanor changed from mortified to angry in a heartbeat. "For my _Sphynx cat_," he bit out, stressing the last two words.

Draco couldn't contain his mirth; he laughed at Potter's outrage. "I heard you the first time," he confessed.

Potter's brows lowered. "Once a wanker, always a wanker," he fumed.

"I was only winding you up," said Draco. "You must admit, it was funny."

"Har har."

"Very well, Potter. Tell me why you're really here, and I shall endeavor to help you."

Potter rolled his eyes before responding. "I actually do want to knit a sweater for my cat, Kiki."

"Kinky?"

"There's nothing kinky about it, Malfoy!" Potter snapped. "She has no fur, and I don't want her to get cold this winter. Therefore, I need...Stop. Laughing."

By this point, Draco was sagging over the counter, head buried in his arms while his shoulders shook with laughter. Eventually, he regained his composure, wiping his eyes and still chuckling. "Careful, Potter," he said. "If anyone hears you're knitting for your cat, they may think you're bent."

"I _am_ bent."

Draco sobered quickly. "I see."

Potter widened his stance and crossed his arms. His chin jutted forward. "Does that pose a problem?"

Draco licked his lips and murmured, "Only to my peace of mind."

Potter blinked. "Pardon?"

Draco's eyes measured the breadth of Potter's shoulders and chest before traveling lower.

Potter cleared his throat. "Ahem. I see." He blinked again. "Kiki."

Draco drew himself up and adopted a haughty mien. "Not on the first date."

Color flooded Potter's face once more. "I was talking about my cat!"

Draco tried to keep up his pretense of indignation, but his lip twitched.

Potter's lip curled. "Arsehole."

Draco laughed again before growing serious. "What assistance may I provide for your kinky knitting project?"

Tension eased from Potter's shoulders, and his mouth quirked up at the corners. "I thought I'd start with a simple pattern and a single color," he replied.

"I can help you choose a pattern," said Draco. "And, may I suggest some yarn in a lovely shade of green?"

"I was going to use green--"

"Excellent choice," Draco interrupted. "All cats are Slytherins at heart."

"I want green to match her eyes," Potter said with a scowl. 

"You chose a cat with eyes that match yours?" scoffed Draco. "How vain can you get?"

"She was a rescue!" snapped Potter. "Hermione fobbed her off on me, you plonker." He sighed and ruffled his hair. "She said I needed something to focus on, shoved a half-grown, naked cat into my hands, and left."

Draco's nose crinkled, and his lips twitched again.

Potter huffed at him. "I said _cat_, not..."

Draco collapsed into another fit of laughter.

"I despise you," hissed Potter.

With a supreme effort of will, Draco composed himself. "Forgive me, but I haven't enjoyed a conversation so much in years," he said, dabbing at tears of mirth. 

"If you are quite through braying like an ass at my expense, I would like to buy some yarn," Potter said stiffly.

"Of course," said Draco. He'd managed to get his laughter under control, but he was still grinning like a Bedlamite. "I have some exceptionally soft yarns that you may wish to choose from. It comes in a variety of colors."

Potter relaxed and offered a tentative smile of his own. "That would be splendid, Malfoy. Thank you."

***

Three days after the Potter Pussy Incident (as Draco had labeled it in his mind), Potter returned to Purl of Wisdom. 

"How is the kinky knitting project coming along?" asked Draco.

Potter delved inside the bag he'd brought with him and drew out a tangled mess of yarn.

Draco winced. "How did you manage to cock that up so badly?"

"I don't know!" Potter wailed. "Can you help me with it?"

"Why don't you ask Mrs Weasley for help?" Draco asked, surprised that Potter had come here instead.

Potter grimaced. "I don't want her to be disappointed in me."

"But you don't care if _I'm_ disappointed in you?"

"Not especially, no."

Draco's brows rose. "Fair enough," he said. "Why don't you have a seat at the work table over there? I need to check on my other customer, who was last seen browsing in the mohair. I'll be right back to sort you out."

If Potter caught the innuendo, he ignored it as he nodded and shuffled away. 

Draco helped Mrs Winkowski choose some mohair yarn for her latest project. As he was ringing up her purchase, the old witch adjusted the glasses on the bridge of her nose and peered at Potter.

"I say, is that Harry Potter?"

Draco didn't even look up. "Alas, no," he lied. "That poor bloke does bear an unfortunate resemblance to our intrepid hero, but he's bland and boring. His name is Milquesoppe, he's a cat fancier, and he knits. Not very heroic pursuits, in my opinion."

Mrs Winkowski tittered. "No, I don't imagine they are." She accepted her package of mohair, thanked Draco, and exited the shop via the Floo connection.

Draco returned to the table where Potter was trying to untangle his knitting project. He pulled out a chair and sat down beside Potter, taking a moment to enjoy the fact that Potter smelled good. Very good. Draco cleared his throat and plucked the tangled yarn from Potter's incompetent hands.

Potter surrendered it with a sigh and slouched down in his chair.

"Buck up," Draco told him. "I'll take care of your kinks." He grinned at his quip and glanced at Potter, expecting him to snap and snarl. Instead, Potter's face had turned a faint pink, and he held his tongue.

_Interesting_, Draco thought.

Potter cleared his throat and changed the subject. "I reckon tomorrow's Daily Prophet will be all about me being seen in a yarn shop."

"I have better things to do than alert that rag to the fact that you deigned to grace Purl of Wisdom with your presence."

"I meant that witch will gossip, not you."

"Mrs Winkowski?" asked Draco. "She's a dotty old bird, and I convinced her you simply bore an unfortunate resemblance to the Grate Harry Potter."

Potter brightened. "You think I'm great?"

"That was spelled G-R-A-T-E."

Potter's smile became a scowl. "Ha ha," he muttered.

Draco chuckled and reached for the knitting needles. "Observe and learn from a master knitter." His flip comment garnered the expected laughter, putting Potter in an agreeable mood to be schooled.

***

Two days later, Potter returned to Purl of Wisdom. Draco was pleased to see him, but also dismayed. "Do not tell you've cocked up your knitting project again?"

Potter withdrew a Muggle mobile and held it up for Draco to look at it. The display was a photo of a hairless creature wearing a sweater and a sneer. 

"What do you think?" asked Potter, his eyes shining bright with excitement.

"It's ghastly," Draco pronounced.

"Oy, it's not so bad for my first attempt at knitting a miniature jumper!"

"I meant your cat," drawled Draco.

Potter sputtered in affront, and Draco laughed at his outrage. "I'm taking the mickey out of you," he said. "The cat is...not attractive, but she is certainly interesting. Does she appreciate her new jumper?"

"Yeah, I think so," Potter replied. "She can't wear this one all the time, however."

"Don't tell me you plan to knit her another?" asked Draco.

Potter beamed at him. "I'd like to try something striped this time. Maybe pink and white?"

"Potter, I must say, I am astonished."

"That I'm attempting a striped jumper?"

"That you didn't choose red and gold."

"Hah!" Potter scoffed. "Wait. That's actually a fabulous idea. Do you have red yarn?"

"No," Draco said with a straight face.

"Burgundy?"

"No."

"Maroon?"

"No."

"Scarlet?"

"What sort of yarn shop would Purl of Wisdom be if we didn't sell scarlet yarn?" asked Draco. "However, we do not have gold."

Potter laughed at the jest, causing warmth to curl low in Draco's abdomen. "I reckon pink and white will have to do," he said.

Draco smiled, enjoying the banter. "Come with me, Potter," he said. "We have some exceptionally soft cashmere in a lovely shade of rose."

"That sounds fantastic," said Potter. "Can you teach me how to knit something striped?"

***

Draco was delighted once again to see Potter enter Purl of Wisdom a few days later. He marched up to the counter and waited somewhat impatiently while Draco rang up a sale. 

"I'll be right with you, Mr Milquesoppe," said Draco.

Potter opened his mouth just as Mrs Spinherne turned around and gave a little sniff. "Milquesoppe? You bear a striking resemblance to Harry Potter."

Potter's eyes darted to Draco, but he caught on quickly. "Yes, I, um, I hear that quite often."

"I imagine Mr Potter has more important things to do than knit or crochet," said Mrs Spinherne.

"I don't imagine he'd be any good at it, either," Draco said.

Potter's jaw tightened. "I imagine he'd try his best."

"Yes, I suppose he would," Draco conceded.

Mrs Spinherne left with her purchases, leaving Draco to devote his full attention to Potter. "May I assist you with something, or do you plan to stand there and glare at me all day, Milquesoppe?"

"You're a git," Potter growled. Nevertheless, he stepped up to the counter and showed Draco a new photo on his Muggle device. It depicted the same surly cat wearing a rose and cream striped jumper. The stripes were somewhat crooked, but it was better than Draco had anticipated.

"Well, it's an improvement," he said, returning the mobile to Potter. 

"Are you referring to Kiki or to her jumper?" quipped Potter.

"Your cat does appear slightly less...murderous."

"She doesn't look _murderous!_"

Draco quirked a brow, and Potter sighed. 

"Okay, her default expression does lean towards homicidal, but she's really a very sweet cat."

"I'll take your word for it," said Draco. "Did you come here simply to show off your latest creation, or are you intent on knitting another jumper for Kinky?"

Potter nodded. "I'm feeling bold today--"

"Gryffindor."

"...and I was...pardon me?"

"Go on," prompted Draco, maintaining a serious expression.

Potter's eyes narrowed in suspicion, but he soldiered on. "As I was saying, I'd like to try a block pattern this time."

"That _is_ very bold."

"Do you think I can't do it?" Potter demanded.

"I believe you can," said Draco. "Whether or not you can do it well remains to be seen."

"You'll help me again, won't you?"

Draco was thrilled, but he kept his composure. "Wouldn't you rather have Mrs Weasley help you? You're no longer in danger of disappointing her."

Potter averted his eyes. "I prefer it when you show me."

This was news to Draco. "Indeed?"

Potter's face took on a ruddy hue. "Molly is in the habit of praising me, no matter how awful I do," he explained. "You challenge me to get it right, and I learn better that way."

"Ah, you're like a thoroughbred that responds best to the whip."

"Sorry?"

"You know, a whip," said Draco, punctuating his remark with a slashing motion through the air, complete with a "W'_pish_!" noise. 

Potter flinched, and Draco heaved a disappointed sigh. "So much for that fantasy."

"What?"

"Okay, Milquesoppe, what colors do you want to dress Kinky in next?"

***

Draco left Potter with his latest project--a block sweater in blue and green--while he went to wait on Mrs Winkowski. By the time Draco returned to check on the novice knitter, Potter had made a hash of things.

"How did you manage this?!" he exclaimed, aghast at the tangled mess Potter was trying to sort out.

Potter slumped back in his chair. "I don't know!" 

"Take out those last few rows and try again," Draco instructed him. 

"Buck up, Mr Milquesoppe," Mrs Winkowski said on her way to the Floo. "We all struggled to learn in the beginning."

"Thank you," Potter responded with a weak smile. Once she left, he turned to glare at Draco and caught him mid-smirk. "Must you mock me at every turn?"

Draco lifted one shoulder. "Would you rather she go out and crow to her cronies that Harry Potter Himself is at Purl of Wisdom?"

Potter mulled it over. "That might increase your business."

"Point to you," Draco agreed. "However, most people would come in just to see their hero, not to buy anything. It would be Bedlam."

Potter laughed out loud. "That would be hilarious," he said. "I should alert the Daily Prophet and tell them I'll be at Purl of Wisdom on a certain day at a specific time."

"You'd suffer as much as I would, Potter."

"Not if I didn't show up."

Draco rocked back on his heels. "That is diabolical, and I won't have it."

"Afraid of me leaving you in the lurch?" Potter teased.

"No," said Draco. "I meant, I won't have you being diabolical. It's too Slytherin for the likes of a Goodie Gryffindor like you."

Potter grinned at him but didn't pursue the subject. "If you were going to create an alias for me, couldn't you have chosen a less ridiculous name?"

"Milquesoppe suits you."

A derisive snort was the only rejoinder Potter could muster. He returned his attention to unraveling his latest disaster. Once that was completed, Potter began knitting again, while Draco dispensed advice and ridicule in equal measure. 

Draco was amused to note that mockery seemed to inspire Potter to do better. He was leaning close to inspect Potter's repairs when his Aunt Andromeda entered the shop with Teddy in tow. 

Teddy's eyes lit up immediately. "Hi, Cousin Draco!" he greeted. "Is Uncle Harry your boyfriend now?"

Draco's mouth fell open. "Wh-what?" he stammered. Beside him, Potter made a noise somewhere between a snort and a snicker. 

Teddy skipped up to the table. "You said you wouldn't date a bloke who couldn't knit, but Uncle Harry can knit."

Draco was still floundering. "Um..."

Potter slung an arm around Draco's shoulders in a half-hug. "Is that what drew you to me, darling?" he cooed. "My ability to knit?" He removed his arm and took up his needles again. 

"Uh..."

"That's brilliant!" Teddy whooped as he hopped in place. 

Draco aimed a glare at Potter. From the expression on Potter's face, it was clear he realized he'd taken the joke too far.

"Oh, Teddy," he said. "I...that is, we..."

"Why don't the two of you join us for dinner this evening?" Andromeda interjected smoothly. Judging by _her_ expression, she wasn't fooled. The gauntlet had been thrown down, and Draco's competitive spirit rose to the fore.

"That would be splendid," he said. 

"I am quite looking forward to it," said Andromeda. "I cannot wait to hear all about your relationship status."

"Relationship?!" Potter squeaked, clutching his knitting needles like a virgin clutching her pearls.

"There's no need to be coy now that the Kneazle is out of the bag, _darling_," Draco tutted, enjoying the opportunity to turn the tables on Potter. 

"But..."

"And just look at how happy and excited Teddy is," Draco interrupted. 

Potter glanced at the little boy, and Draco could see his resolve waver. 

"This is great!" Teddy enthused. "Will you be getting married soon?"

"Now, don't go putting the bristles before the broom," Andromeda chided him. "Adults date for awhile to find out if they like one another well enough to get married."

"Will you invite us to the wedding?" chirped Teddy. It was obvious he hadn't listened to a word his grandmother said.

Andromeda smiled at him fondly and ruffled his hair, which was vacillating between black and blond. She turned her attention to Draco. "I am here for some more of that lovely mohair yarn. Don't get up," she added when Draco made to rise. "I know where it is. Come along, Teddy."

"Aw, do I have to?"

"If you trust me to choose what color you want for your new jumper, by all means, stay here," Andromeda replied.

Teddy's eyes widened in horror. "I want to choose my own color."

"Then follow me, dear," said Andromeda. "Draco, Harry, I shall expect you for dinner promptly at eight."

Once his aunt and cousin left, Draco scowled at Potter. "Now you've done it."

"Maybe I wanted a home-cooked meal for once," Potter muttered.

"Can't you cook?" asked Draco. "I thought your Muggle relatives treated you like a servant."

Potter's lips thinned. "I can cook breakfast, but I'm pants at anything else."

Draco was amused to learn that Potter's ability to cook matched his ability to knit. "Are you forced to rely on the charity of Weasleys?" he jibed.

"Just for that, I'm not going to marry you."

Draco opened his mouth to respond, but he literally had no words.

Potter laughed out loud. "I've rendered you speechless!" he crowed. "Point to me!"

Draco huffed and crossed his arms."Plonker. You couldn't afford me."

"Yes, I can," Potter insisted, his eyes still dancing with humor.

On the verge of a witty riposte, Draco checked himself. "Why are we arguing about this? We're not going to get married."

Potter shrugged and began gathering his yarn and knitting needles. He stood up and said, "Never say never, _Draco_. I'll see you tonight at dinner."

***

When Draco Apparated to the pavement in front of Andromeda's townhouse, he was surprised to see that Potter was waiting for him. "Why didn't you go in?" he asked.

"I thought we should arrive together," Potter replied. "We don't want to disappoint Teddy, do we?"

Draco grimaced. "We need to let him down, and the sooner the better."

"Are you saying you don't want to be my boyfriend?!" Potter exclaimed, bringing a hand to his throat in mock dismay. "After all I've done for you?"

"What have you done for me?"

"I mastered knitting," Potter stated proudly.

"Mastered it?!" Draco scoffed. "You can barely tell a knitting needle frommmf..."

Draco's diatribe was rudely interrupted by Potter's lips. He froze in momentary confusion before his baser instincts took over. He looped his arms around Potter's neck and lost himself in an enjoyable game of tonsil Quidditch. Draco failed to notice the front door had opened until it was too late.

"Grandma! Harry and Draco are kissing!"

They sprang apart, and Draco smoothed a hand over his hair. He darted a glance at Potter and was gratified to see that he appeared equally mussed and flustered. 

Andromeda came to the door and ushered them inside. "Let's save the pudding for after dinner, lads," she said. 

Draco felt his face get warm, but he followed his aunt into the house. 

"May I help with anything?" Potter offered. 

"No, dear, everything is taken care of," Andromeda replied.

"I set the table!" Teddy cried. He dashed ahead of them to the dining room, where plates were placed slightly off-center, and the silver wasn't in the correct position. Teddy was so proud of himself, however, that Draco hid his automatic wince and took a seat where his aunt indicated. 

They passed dishes of food around, family-style, and everyone began to eat. 

"How's business at Purl of Wisdom?" Andromeda asked.

Draco dabbed at his lips before replying. "Very good," he said. "I have several regular customers, including Po...uh, Harry."

"How's Kiki, Uncle Harry?" Teddy was eager to know. 

Potter smiled at him indulgently. "She's fine," he replied. "She's enjoying the jumpers I've been knitting for her."

Teddy goggled at that. "You've been knitting jumpers for Kiki?!"

"We can't have her running around naked, now can we?" quipped Draco. 

Teddy giggled, but Andromeda quelled him with a disapproving look. 

"Kiki isn't really naked, Ted," said Potter. "She may not have fur, but she has a fine, downy coat. It's just that she needs something more to keep her warm, now that the weather is getting cooler."

"Thank you, Professor Potter," Draco muttered. He hadn't meant to be heard, but Teddy giggled again. 

"You'd be a good professor, huh, Uncle Harry?"

Potter beamed at the praise. "I think your Cousin Draco would make a good professor, too," he said. "He's been very helpful at teaching me to knit better."

Draco was pleased by the unexpected compliment. "Harry is a quick learner," he felt compelled to say. It made Draco wonder what other things Potter would be so quick and eager to learn. He cleared his throat and shifted positions on his chair. He was glad when Andromeda changed the subject.

Throughout dinner, Draco sneaked furtive glances at Potter. He certainly cleaned up well. Not only was Potter looking quite dishy, but Draco noted how charming and witty he was. Typically, the two of them were too busy exchanging barbs for him to appreciate Potter's sense of humor. It enhanced his appeal. Draco also noted the impressive amount of food that Potter was putting away. He must be very active to maintain his slim figure. Draco considered various ways Potter might be taking exercise, and he squirmed in his seat again. 

It was sometime after pudding was served that Teddy blurted out what was obviously foremost on his mind. "When are you two getting married?" he demanded. "Victoire's uncle George is getting married, and it's all she talks about."

While Draco and Potter stammered and stuttered, Andromeda smoothly intervened.

"Teddy, it's rude to ask people about their personal lives," she chided. "When Draco and Harry decide to get married, they'll make an announcement." This last was said with a smirk at both of them. Oh yes, Aunt Andromeda was on to their ruse. 

"We can get some ideas at George's wedding," said Potter, grinning at Draco from across the table.

Draco responded with a weak, "We?"

"I wouldn't dream of showing up without my boyfriend," Potter said. "Why, just think of all the match-making mothers who would attack me like a pack of harpies if I went stag."

Draco was reluctantly impressed with Potter's machinations. He reckoned he deserved it, after he'd guilted Potter into attending this evening's dinner. Aside from that, he found he was almost eager to spend more time in Potter's company. There was so much more he could teach him...

"Andromeda, do you need help cleaning up?" asked Potter. "I'm afraid I must beg off. Kiki will be wondering where her din-din is."

"Magic will make short work of clean up, Harry," Andromeda responded. "You two run along and take care of that darling kitty of yours."

Draco realized he'd been lumped in with Potter and dismissed all in one polite sentence. He stood and thanked his aunt, then went around to pull her chair out. When Andromeda stood, Draco pecked her on the cheek and promised to visit again soon. 

"You'll bring Uncle Harry, too, yeah?" asked Teddy. 

Draco glanced at Potter. "Erm..."

"Sounds like fun," Potter said. He bestowed a winsome smile on Draco and added, "Let's go, darling. Kinky awaits."

Draco took one step towards him before he halted. "Did you just say-"

"Goodnight, Andromeda," Potter interjected. "See you, Teddy." He took Draco's arm and led him to the front door and out to the pavement in front of the house. 

Potter turned to face Draco and said sternly, "You _will_ be going with me to George and Angelina's wedding. I need a date, and you owe me one."

"Has it occurred to you that if we show up together at the Weasel Wedding people will think we're actually dating? Aunt Andromeda wasn't fooled for a moment."

"Would dating be such a bad thing?" Potter countered. "I had fun this evening, and you're easy on the eyes."

A grin spread on Draco's face. "Do you find me dashing?" he teased.

"Ask me that again when I finally see you starkers."

Draco found Potter's confidence attractive. "I can't wait," he said. "I have so much more to teach you. W'_pish!_"

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Please support the author by clicking on the kudos button and leaving a comment below! ♥


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